Keeping Up Hope

"I was 52 years old. I had diabetes and incipient arthritis. I had lost my gall bladder and most of my thyroid gland in earlier campaigns, but I was convinced that the best was ahead of me."

- Ray Kroc in Time 100: Builders & Titans -

On Programming

"A good programmer respects the audience, takes risks, has showman-like instincts and lives to bring the best and brightest talent to the people." 

- Marcy Carsey and Tom Werner on Fred Silverman and Michael Eisner in Time 100: Builders & Titans -

Daisies

www.everything-inspiring.com

Aren't they just the most gorgeous flowers on earth?

The Traveller

Last week I organised another fundraising concert for my four friends who are going to Toulouse next year for further studies. They were rehearsing at my place a few days before, then we all went on stage Saturday evening and had tremendous fun. I think we never had that much fun before. The first concert was scary for the three of them (as one stuck in Yogya and couldn't make it to Bandung) because they never gave official public performance for as long as they live. The second was their first performance as quartet, so everyone was uptight. But the third was really enjoyable. I asked them to change formation, and as a result they had stronger first violinist who was more able to lead the pack. The pieces they played were technically within their grasp, and everybody knew each other better so they were more at ease when we worked on the pieces. To make long story short, I was sitting like a proud mamma when they performed pieces by Bach, Ravel and Mozart because I really could feel that that night, for the first time, they were really feeling the music, trying to convey a message and not be bothered by stage fright. And we got some magic moments. By the time I lock the backstage door of the auditorium, adrenaline were still flowing, everyone was in high spirit, and we ended the day with dinner and a lot of picture taking and laughing. 

That night I had a feeling that I had come to some sort of destination. And I arrived safely, in a glorious state of mind. There were so many accomplishments that night, not just for me, but also for them. I know it. I know that they realize that, as musicians, they need to perform as much as they can. The stage is one of the most important place for them to grow and develop. I know that they were proud of themselves, too, because they did a great job by immersing themselves in music. I can tell that they feel that the more they got up on stage, the lesser anxiety they will have in the future. And they know how to prepare themselves well. There's so much to learn and to bring home after a performance, and finally, I can get them to understand all these. 

But what brings me more happiness is that I know there'll be more and more destinations to go to, and everything is always stationary until, literally, death do us part from this world. And knowing the fact that I can feel so elevated as I reach a temporary post makes me look forward to reaching another post. And there's always something waiting at the end of the journey, something that changes life. It might not bring happiness, but even so, it will be transitory. 

And that is why, I'm posting the picture above. I'd like to learn to be a good traveller by letting go fix plans, because I know that even without them, I will still be on the road...to somewhere. It's not the destination that matters, but the journey. A good traveller knows that it's that journey that makes one happy. And that is always more important than anything else in life. 

It Stops Here

For the past few weeks my attention, along with other stuffs, as usual, has been captured by a project initiated by Anderson Cooper called "The Bully Project". I don't know if he really did start this movement to end bullying in American schools, but he seems to be very vocal about it and when someone like him starts something, it will become big. 

Bullying in the US has become such a deadly epidemic. Oprah has had aired several episodes about it, portraying kids who commit suicide because they suffer harsh name-calling to physical abuse or kids who feel like crap because their peers tell them they are worthless, and how it effect their families as well. And all these take place in SCHOOLS. Seriously, people. This is just unacceptable. Just figure it out: our children spend 8-10 hours in school every day for 5 days, which means 1/3 of their social life happen in this formal, educational institution. If it's not safe anymore, it means that our children are scared for 40 hours a week, and that means they are scared for 2,080 hours a year. Now say, if a bullied child spend 12 years in school, that means 24,960 hours of fear. No wonder they choose death at early age.

What's annoying me so much about this is that bullying happens the most in the US, a country which always boast on becoming the world's No. 1 human rights police. They invaded Iraq and Afghanistan, meddling in other people's business, when such a terrible thing is going on steadily in their country. They should just pull their armies from other people's land and assign them in schools because these bullies, even though they are under age, can be very lethal. 

Kids have that tendency to be mean. They can be intentionally, although unconsciously, cruel. This goes to show that the seed of evil dwells inside us, in each and every one of us. But school is a place where the government sends adults with degree to stop the manifestation of evil into devil. So for me, it's unforgivable if these adults cannot supervise children's interaction. I know that teachers and school staffs cannot be around all the time to watch, but they can get help. Technology is there to use. It's all a matter of diligence, initiative, and goodwill. 

Bullying worries me a lot. Even if it happens in the US. I can say 'screw you America, you got what you deserve', but the thing is, it happens to the kids who do not deserve this. Moreover, the biggest concern is that since the people of my country are big on American culture, I'm just afraid that this rotten cult(ure) will be imported to our schools as well. American teenage movies are showing in national tellies every day, giving ideas to kids about 100 ways to bully a friend, ridiculously convincing the viewers that even though you're victimised, things will get better and you will live happily ever after. I'm just afraid that then our kids here think that it's okay to bully or to be bullied because in the end you will still get the girl and go to Harvard. But in reality, the life of these young victims are over even before they get to dream about Harvard because they're too busy trying to survive. 

I hope the US, with all those great people living and working there, will make bullying a history. In the past, they have succeeded in bringing slavery to an end, so I'm optimistic. And I hope that outside US, this will never become a national-scale issue, ever. So let's stop it here, now, today. If you see bullying around you, say a word, do something, tell people. And if it happens to children, do all that, only louder, bigger, better.  

Go to "The Bully Project" to support anti-bullying movement.        

And To Thine Own Self...

be true. (William Shakespeare)

I've heard this sort of thing from a lot of patricians, whose words often quoted by plebeians like me. But I have to admit that several times in the past, when I have to make difficult choices, I always search into myself and ask, would I be happy doing it? Will I be able to stay true to myself if I take this way? And so far, I have not make so many decisions that I regretted. This actually works for me. 

Reading Gidon Kremer's letter, I wonder though, do those artists he mentioned, those that search fame and fortune and sacrificing music in the process of attaining these two worldly goods, were they being true to themselves? Or becoming famous and fortunate are really their ideals, their values, their core self? In that case, they should be happy about it. But if they are really, truly, deeply musicians, would they still be happy when they're not making the best music they know, especially when they know how to make it?

I've been questioning this in my head after reading that letter, and I can conclude, that fame and fortune can really change your self. In "self" I mean your core being. It can shift your paradigm and gives you new perspectives.  There are plenty of evidence in the classical music scene in my country. Once an artist gets to that position where people would salute you no matter how rubbish you play, he or she is in danger of losing a sight. And I say so because a lot of time, when people start at the bottom, they have this ideal view about what they want to see once they get to the top, but as soon as they get there, they find out that there's a lot of other things to see (and to have) which are just as nice and they are distracted. Imagine those mountaineers who climb Everest for the sake of conquering the earth and find that once they arrive at the peak, they discover that it's actually a beach up there, with Baywatch actresses running around and asking them to become lifeguards. And then they forget why they're there at the first place. 

Sadly, a lot of people forget. Because fame and fortune are agents of change. Fame usually brings fortune, if not vice versa, and fortune has its own privilege. Back to the classical music scene, I know that fame can raise booking fees and bring home many endorsements. The thing is, in this business that's becoming more and more hype, to quote Kremer, money doesn't always mean quality. Now there are so many things that can add zeros in your pay check which have zero relation to your quality as a musician. You can suck big time but if your agent is good at selling, you can still get gigs. I've had once an awful pianist who played like lazy amateur but he got a totally devoted manager who was able to convince people that he's fabulous. There's also another musician I know who happens to have out-of-ordinary story about why he got into this wonderful world of Bach and Mozart and Ravel professionally and are making this his marketing gimmick to get him to perform around the world. When I heard him play, I fell off my chair because it was so incredibly messy. And guess what? He's still performing around the world. I guess he's still selling that story and there are people who are buying. In my country, every artist mind their own business. Not many have managers. But name is big, and big name is HUGE. If you have big name already, you can be sure to come on stage unrehearsed, unprepared, and under practice and people will still write in your Facebook wall saying "love your performance tonight. It was aweeesoomeee!" 

I've also observed this situation with the female group of the species: the more attractive you are, the easier you get jobs. It happens not only in the "formal" arrangement, but also in the "informal" situation, and happens all over the world. I recently came to a recital of a female artist, and this girl has an impressive CV which says that she has played with some big names in the classical music business, names that are written in all journal of all aspiring young musicians who wish to be like her. So I sat there inside the hall, impatient and excited to be enchanted, but there was no magic. It was a professional performance, I can say, everything was perfect and flawless, but there was no vibe from the stage, and I felt nothing. And then I remembered another professional musician-friend of mine, a guy who, CV-wise, isn't as famous as she is, but performance-wise is in another level altogether. If I may compare, if she is at Everest, then he has already reached heaven.

So, what makes a star? To those who believes that we have to stay true to ourselves in order to reach the sky, I can only say: think again. For me, it's obvious. The first thing you gotta have is luck. Say, 95 percent of your success depends on it. Luck is, to this day, still an unexplained phenomena to me. A lot of things have been said about it, but I think Oprah's definition comes closest to what is true: luck is preparation meets opportunity. I've known people who are prepared all their lives, but opportunity never knocks, and they spend their waking days dreaming until they no longer able to do that. 

Having said that, I think it is very important to stay true to yourself. It might not bring you the luck you need to get to the end of the tunnel, but still, it will make you happy. And it's important. Too bad the new generations of high achievers now think that it's okay to sacrifice their happiness in the process of getting what you want. I think it's stupid. If you're in a journey to get what you want, you have to be happy. It doesn't make sense if you don't. After all, you're the one making the trip to your personal paradise, so why should it torture you?

And having said that, I do not mean to say that all people who have made a name for themselves are driven away from their initial goals. There are people who, like Kremer, once they sit on the throne and rule, still can be true to themselves. I hope they're among the happiest people on earth, because they have everything.   

Knowing this fact, I must say that I'm happy to be where I am right now. There were times in the past where I long to work for big agents who manage classical music celebrities in their roster. But if I am allowed to be honest, I'm here because I want people in my country to know that classical music does not always have to boring. If it's beautiful, then like all things beautiful, it will touch your soul and change your life. It can bring you to tears, and lift your spirit. And I don't have to work with those stars to achieve this. Somewhere in London, or in Berlin, or in Paris, and elsewhere, there are undiscovered gems who can help me, whose main concern in life is to promote classical music, who are enthusiastic about playing for mere 100 people, who are willing to share their experience and expertise, who care enough about musicians in a third-world country and are willing to go the extra mile to educate them, and who understand how hard it is to get people to donate for classical music. To these true musicians-cum-humanitarians, I pay my most profound respect, and pray with all my heart that they will eventually get to where they want to be and still be true to themselves.