Year-end Contemplation

"Insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

Last night the teachers of the music school where I work gave amazing performance to 20 people in a hall seated for 250 people. I was so proud to work with them. But then I was also quite upset because only 2 of the school's students came to watch their teachers. Moreover, people missed great performance and it really drove me nuts because a few days back, a friend of mine told me that he just attended an awful concert full of famous musicians who came on stage unprepared. The house was full. These musicians seems to pass with flying colours. Their Facebook walls were full of praising comments from people who clearly thought they were fabulous. 

It doesn't make sense for me at all. Are people here really that stupid that they just can't tell good or bad? Will it always be like this in this country, that you have to raise a cult of admirers to get a good number of audience? Will we have to forever depend on our own community so tickets will sell? And what if we have unloyal one such as the community in the school? (It is obvious, now). Is raising an educated audience a utopia? 

It just hits me harder how difficult it is now to get people to come to a concert hall in Bandung. I'm on the brink of frustation here. I realised that Bandung doesn't really have a true classical music aficionado, who will go to concerts come rain or shine, who understand that ticket price should of course exceeds movie, and who come for the sake of music itself and not to serve some individuals who happen to be their friends. We're competing with so many things. Exam dates. Weather. Traffic. Parking lots. Price tags of many other goods. Basic necessities such as food and clothing. Other concerts in other genres. Shopping malls and cafes. And adding the real cost like publicity, venue rental and technician's overtime, it's just too much cost to bring only 20 people. And the notoriously modest and humble musicians of the city are no help either. Many seem to be uncomfortable or shy when they're asked to invite people to come to their own concerts. Some would just publish it on their Facebook walls, hoping that some random people will see it and be moved to come. 

So, with basically nothing to rely on, isn't it just a perpetual insanity to do this? Why should I go on? Because it's important? To whom? To the musicians who play? But with no one watches, wouldn't it be the same as practising at home? We might as well do an open rehearsal thing. The cost as well as responsibility will be minuscule. And no one loses anything. 

Love & Misadventure

Every girl who is in love or healing a broken heart should have this book. The poems speak about womanly feeling through adventure in losing and finding love and they represent sentiments most woman would have. I love them so much that I will do a music & poem recital next year on Valentine's day. It'll be quite exciting!

All Kinds of Love

I remembered one love I've lost years ago. It was my first, it was short, but it was real. When it had to end, I didn't understand why and for years I was questioning why it didn't last, but now I understand that it takes more than love to make a relationship work. 

My BFF asked me today if I had forgotten the guy I was in love with. I told him there's never a day passed without my thinking of him. But it doesn't mean that I'm not happy and that I'm gonna keep waiting for him. It's easier to move on once I understand. And I know now that I can be happy with another. I want to be, and I will be. 

Sometimes we think that not living with the ideal makes our life less meaningful. In some cases it's true, but I think when it comes to love, it's true that we accept the love we think we deserve. Any kind of love. When we're open, there are so much love in this world to make us happy that we really shouldn't worry if we'll live a lonely and sad life without one particular love. We just have to keep giving it in order to receive it. 

Keep loving, folks. It'll come back bigger and better. 

Hallelujah!

My internet connection's back. 

I've been browsing, up- and downloading, e-mailing and facebooking from my smart phone and I hated the experience. Seriously. And blogging from your phone is absurd. So I haven't been writing for almost 2 months now. Bugger. 

I'm continuing my French lesson and my teacher suggested that I should start a blog en francais...mais oui! Very tempting; I might try it someday, but sometimes when I have ideas in the head, looking back and forth to the dictionary maybe a bit annoying. But for the sake of progress, I will probably give it a go. Next year. 

The year end comes so fast...it's sometimes felt surreal that time goes by so quickly. I started planning for next year's projects and I've got tons of ideas in mind which makes it hard to sleep at night. But I'm thoroughly enjoying the whole programming process and it's so exciting to bring ideas to stage and see them transformed into shows. 

Next year I gotta see to it as well that my own personal project doesn't suffer. 

Gosh. So happy to be able to write again. But sleep now, otherwise vertigo will relapse. 

Bonne nuit, tout le monde. 

Privilege

I love my jobs. In fact, I love everything I do. I love teaching, I love managing the music school, and I love promoting classical music in my city. Sure, everything has a downside sometimes. My students (and their parents) often drive me nuts, the school seems to have endless problems, and there are still many things I have to figure out in my job as a promoter, like how to fund a season of classical music concerts. 

Arties Familiy of Musicians at IFI Bandung during "KlasikFest 2013"

Sometimes when things got really rough, I complain as well. But my mum always reminds me that I am still lucky because at the end, I get to do what I want to do. I get to choose whether I want to quit or continue, and I get to be my own boss (technically I am an employee in the music school but the owners of the school are my best friends who pretty much let me do things my way.) In many ways, it's a privilege. And I am indeed so fortunate that despite all the difficulties, there are many, many sweet moments while in the world of works that keeps me going on. Like when my students passed exams with flying colours or gave a great performance in a concert. Or when the school is getting new students. Or, many times, when I meet wonderful musicians from overseas who share their exceptional talents in music making and eventually become good friends.

My Japanese friend Toru once told me to take care of myself because I seem to be working all the time. But I guess I just love it so much that I don't mind. 

Faiblesse

Frailty.Oh, how weak I am! Just when I thought I was strong, I met again a certain person and my happiness depends on this sole soul. How I pray that God will keep this person from harm and sin and even if I cannot be the reason for his well-being, how I want him still to be happy. 

Dear God, please answer my prayer. I am so unhappy, because I'm in the dark. I need to see the light. I need to know. 

Entourage

bestclipartblog.com

I am lucky. I have many good friends who I love and love me, and they are always there for me whenever I need them. Some are good  at giving advice on jobs and career, and some teach me a lot about relationship, and few of them seem to know everything and I can seek their wisdom on every occassion, come rain or shine. Sometimes I talked to people I just knew and mentioned them as my best friends and then people would always end up asking, "so, how many best friends do you have, really?"

My entourage isn't exactly big. For the past few years I've been keeping the same best friends whom I know I can trust with my own life. They don't turn my alarm on since the first time I met them. I do have a strong sense about people and over the years I have relied on it very much when I make initial assesment on people. It may sound judgemental, but I learned that whenever I distrust this instinct, I always end up in trouble. I am naturally not very trusting, thanks to my upbringing, so I actually don't try to expand this circle. 

But in that circle there are two people, two very special people who knows more than the rest and I don't call them my besties. They're my soulmates. We were born to be friends, we're  not made to be. They are not people I know since I was a little, but since I knew them, it feels like I knew them forever. One thing I know for sure, when you have friends like these, you will always have enough love to give to other people, no matter how hurt you've been. And there's not a single day since I met them that I'm not grateful for their presence in my life. 

Keine Halbe Sache

How do you things by half? One thing I learned and remembered well from my professor in Berlin is "never do things by half." She almost always said these words in every lesson that it was well planted in my brain and became an ethos. 

But at times one must try to do things by half, it seems. My BFF, who knows almost all my romantic escapades, always admired my intensity whenever I'm in the mood for love. However, after my last misadventure, she told me, "maybe this time you should not hope too much."

But really, how do you half-hope? I can't imagine doing it. For me, there's either one way or the other. Either you hope, or you don't. You love, or you don't. I know that feelings vary; we tend to feel something more towards some people and less towards the rests. Naturally. But when it's something so strong, how do you do half a measure? 

It's a skill I have to learn, apparently. It will come handy, hopefully. If I keep continuing like this, I might end up not believing in anything anymore. 

Sombre Mood.

Lovely music for lousy feeling. Brahms usually more my preference and years ago I wouldn't imagine Poulenc would write something like this (my first experience of Poulenc music is the sonata for four hands which, at that time, sounded more like dogs barks). Well, there are many sides to an artist. And even the most sensible ones are allowed to be sentimental at times.  

Please.

Dear God,

Please answer my prayer. I need to know that You listen. I need to believe that prayer works, that it changes things. And I need to believe again so I don't give up hoping. Ever.

This Sucks.

Loving a gay guy and being in love with a gay guy are equally BIG feelings. But these two sentiments tend to go the opposite way and while one is enriching for human being, the other will mess your brain. 

If you have a gay bestfriend who confesses to you about his sexual preference, you will feel honored, trusted, and privileged. And the affection you have between you grow. And you know that you're special because you know that this kind of thing isn't the thing people say even to their parents. And you want to keep that trust and honor that privilege back by loving him and only sharing his secret with worms, i.e. when you're buried.   

Being in love with a gay guy, on the other hand, can make you feel like a retard, and you thought the whole time "How did I let myself go this far? How did I let my brain deceive me by denying all signs?" It's like you're on a low carb diet for a year so you keep eating carrots and cabbages and then found out that your body is actually plants intolerant and all of those veggies are making you sick and fat. Nothing good will come out of it (and to anybody who says the opposite, I challenge you to experience this yourself). This sucks. Big time.   

Hey, Love.

Rediscovering something you once fell in love deeply with is an amazing feeling. It's like finding a favorite object of the past, which you thought you've lost with no hope of getting back, and all of a sudden, it's there in front of you. It's like seeing a rainbow when you're looking to a clear sky. You thought, "oh, wow, how unlikely, but how lovely." It's too beautiful that you don't mind. 

And then all the feelings attached to this object return. Some of them nice, a lot of times fear comes along, which is only natural, because you know how precious it is now and you're afraid that you may not survive if it's lost again, but I think the best feeling you have is the warmth in your heart. And that will eventually erode all fear. 

Welcome back, love. And you, yes, you, thank you for bringing it back. I know now that I still have it in me. I'm super scared now, but I'm going to enjoy this revival, at least for a while. I forgot how beautiful it is, and I don't want to forget again. 

The Balloon of the Mind

Hands, do what you're bid:

Bring the balloon of the mind

That bellies and drags in the wind

Into its narrow shed. 

(W. B. Yeats)

(Heart, do also what you're bid. We will forget him, you and I, tonight, like we did fifteen months ago.)

Must. Go. Away.

limobliss.blogspot.com

For the first time in my life, I sense the urge of going away for my vacation. Like really going away where there's no or very limited amount of civilization. 

Some people really feel the need to go places they've never been to for their holidays. For me, staying in bed all day with books have its own wonders in refreshing and revitalising my mind, so I have never planned vacation away from home on purpose.

But with technology everywhere these days which makes it almost impossible for you to be out of reach, I now know that sometimes I must go so people will leave me alone and not keep poking me about projects. It will also probably cure my itch of doing a little this and that even when I'm supposed to be doing nothing. 

Oh well, now I know better. Next time I'll go to the beach, like I've promised my BFF. 

Damn!

Source: californiaclosetblog.com

Why am I not writing anything since May?!???

Not good. 

But juggling 8-13-job with 14-18-teaching and 19-24-project-work is no walk in the park. I realised that as much as I like working, too much is too much. And having a regular office hour seriously cramped my style. I felt choked, chained, stuffed, and burned out faster than gasoline.

Fortunately my employers who also happens to be my GOOD friends (haha!) understood very much and gave me my freedom back. They didn't grant my wish to resign but they gave some room for flexibility including about my office hour and limited my responsibilities. Nice people! I'm so grateful. 

But it's really difficult to get back into old habits once you've abandoned them. I stop exercising during fasting month and now I can only manage 2 days a week to walk on the treadmill. My time management when it comes to sport sucks big time. I also stop writing on my gratitude journal when the preparation for the June festival escalated. Shameful, I know. It's strange though. Why does it seem that only the good habits leave you when you're busy? And you start developing bad ones, like eating whatever it is you can find on the fridge, praying super fast with your mind wandering around, or sleeping late or very little (I was sleeping for 4-5 hours a night for the past 6 months and now I still sleep that much even though my body needs more and I have plenty of time to indulge in this luxury.) Somebody should start a research on that. 

Enough with this nonsense, though. It's time to go back to healthy living and try to find some good, solid rhythm for everything. And it starts with sleep.

NOW would be a good time, Mutia. Off to bed. 

Best Present Ever!

Rafa's eight finals in Rome! After a very fierce performance on clay, his happy hunting ground, beating Berdych with straight sets, Rafa will be in another final on clay. Super comeback ever. Love this guy forever.

 

www.atpworldtour.com

Mediocrity Trap

One of the strongest trap exists in this world is mediocrity. Because it's actually not a bad thing, but it's keeping you from giving or doing your best. 

Tonight I had to cancel a concert by two international artists who will guarantee top quality performance because the priority is given to (1) local soloist and (2) local community of musicians. 

All rubbish, of course.

After years of working hard to present good quality performance to public, this is really upsetting, and I felt like experiencing a huge setback. Why is quality never the first, and foremost aim? Why do we have to compromise all the time? When are we going to achieve excellence when we always have other considerations beside quality?

Now I wouldn't be so upset if those two reasons above is valid. 

First, about local soloist. Honestly, I don't have any grunts about local players. I work with them a lot, and some of the amateurs I know are the most promising musicians with great talents, strong motivation and solid idealism who, I believe, will be the future of Indonesian classical music scene. But in this case, I had to give the priority to one particular local soloist who is not good but wants to be paid as professional because he claims himself so. A claim only he himself made, because as far as I know, nobody I met ever admits his quality as a classical musician. Tough luck mister, but that's just the reality. And this leads to invalidation of reason no. 2. The committee president (with whom I work, who made this decision) said that by bringing this one particular person to the festival, we are serving the community of musicians who will come to see him. It's ironically hillarious, because actually people knew his reputation as a boring player and how is that supposed to attract many audience? If you want to get more people to come, why not bring all other local talents who will surely play better and have more supporters?

And that's the trap. If you don't put quality on top of your list, if you make decision based on other things, then all you get is mediocrity. It's bad because you don't realise that it's happening until you find yourself surrounded by all things middling, second-class, and merely passable, while others are getting the best out of this world. 

Be careful. Be very careful. 

Negativity

Negativity sucks your energy.

I'm a huge fan of Rafa Nadal while my brother thinks Roger Federer is the best player of all time. Everytime we watch a tennis match together, he always tries to make me convert. Sometimes he would tell me why Roger is the best but sometimes, after seeing that I'm not gonna lose faith over Rafa in any way, he would tell me why the Manacorian fails big time.

And this is typical. You can influence people's choice by giving them positive points, or you can implant negative thoughts on their mind.

It takes the same effort to blab about both sides, but I always feel that injecting negativity drains more energy.

I think we all should focus on the positive. Always, or at least we should try to. I don't think there is one thing in life that is for everybody. We all have our own thing, to which we commit our thoughts and efforts and sometimes even money. And we do it because we know there's so many good things in it. So no need to point out that other things are bad, just because it's not our thing. Chacun son metier, so the French say. We all have our share in this world and if we focus on the positive, we eliminate distracting energy and get more things done.

"A Man...

...could not always be where he belonged." - Eddard Stark

There's a quote saying that if you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders. There are places my mind visits when I daydream and I know that I belong there, but life isn't just about where you stay. I've been in a situation where I stayed in a place I love but I'm not doing things I love, and if I have to choose, I would give up that place again to be where I am now. Here I'm giving my service to the community, I'm making music, and although there are sacrifices to make, I know that I'm happy.

My ideal still is going there, to that place in my dream AND to be able to do things I love. But then in life, you can't always get what you want. Life is compromises you're willing to make to create happiness out of imperfections. As Goethe said, happiness is always there. You just have to learn to grab it.

Right now, I'm so grateful to say that I'm holding my happiness in my hand. Steadfast.

Decluttering

Okay. So I said I'll share some things from my new job. And here it is. 

When I first move in, the school where I work was in a mess. Not as messy as this:

Source: digitalbloggers.com

but...close. Seriously, the desk where I was supposed to work was filled with things which normal people wouldn't use, or can no longer be used, whic are also known as junk. 

As I dug deeper into shelves, cabinets and cupboards, I found more of them. I was completely amazed. There were letters and proposals and all sort of paperworks (taxes, financial reports, you-name-it-we-got-it) from as far back as 1996. In fact, I even found a box full of wedding souvenirs (what the....?). And then there were flyers and posters and concert booklets from events years ago, by individuals and groups who have ceased to exist. And to this day, I still sort out music sheets from the school's previous events. I'm not against archiving in any case. But if you need to keep music sheets for future reference, wouldn't it be good to keep just ONE copy instead of TWENTY? Historical evidence proved that even that one friggin' copy was becoming obsolete.

So I gave them away. The school janitor did her magic and made them disappear (I think she sold them to some recycling groups or something) and I'm so happy. 

These days people tend to acquire and keep and don't let go. My sejour in Berlin taught me how frugal the Germans are, and I admire that about them. They don't buy things they don't need, and they don't throw away things unless they are broken. Their life is so simple and they don't waste things.

Decluttering has so many positive sides. People wrote about that on the internet because it's really something everyone should do in their life regularly. I won't elaborate on that, as you can all browse and find out for yourself, but for those who find decluttering difficult, it's actually very basic. Some things in life have to go to make room for the new ones. Imagine if not one single person or animal dies in this world. The earth will sink because all these living things, with their fluids and fats, are there the whole time. Decluttering is the most natural thing to do. Some of us have unlearned it. But once we re-learn how to do it, it will be as normal as breathing in and out.  

Gosh, I really miss this.

I miss writing. And I miss a whole month of February NOT writing anything in my blog. Honestly, I didn't even write in my journals. Not in any of them (I have 3, by the way). Lame!

Source: http://www.brianevansjones.com

Ever since I took up a job as manager at my friend's music school, I hardly have time to do anything else but work. My mum is super happy because I can now wake up at 5 every day. My office hour is from 8-13 from Monday to Friday, and then I rush back home to start teaching at 2 pm. After 6 pm I have dinner and then work on my personal projects until my brain screams "sleep!!!" and then I doze off. There's no time and energy to do anything else. I have 6 books by the bed which I've bought but haven't read, and every day I look at them in dismay. The only time I have to read now is on weekends, and many times they have to compete with either movie or sleep, so I'm guessing they won't dissappear anytime soon. 

But anyway, I'm loving the current situation because it really teaches me to be effective and efficient in managing my time. Everything I do has purpose and benefit now, even if it's just laying around in front of the telly. And I know one day this will be useful. Also, I learn to appreciate the little time I have in between tasks and duties and cherish them. Every Tuesday I have about 2 hours to spend before I teach, and I go visit my grandmama and talk to her. Now it's our ritual, and I love it.

But the best thing about all of this is that I'm getting to know more people and making more connections. And it's always the most interesting part of my work. You get so many things from observing people and their relationships with other people. When I'm not too busy, I'll share them here.

But at the moment, I gotta go to bed. Meeting tomorrow at 8!

Respect

Respect is earned. 

You can't asked people to respect you. With  some oppression, people may be expected to respect you, but true respect comes when you practise what you preach. When you do your duties and obligations first before claiming your rights. When you stay true to your words. 

The society is changing nowadays, which makes it harder, especially for a man, to earn respect. Back in my grandparents' era, all his kids would never dream of answering back whenever he said something. He was the law, the law reinforcer, and the punisher of outlaws. But then, he was the sole breadwinner of the family. He worked his ass off to feed 7 children and a wife and did a great job fulfilling their needs.

These days, men demands the same respect from their wives and offspring but when you're not the only person earning an income in the family, you gotta work harder to earn the respect you need. Sometimes men forget, but we women still appreciate men who go up there and fix the light bulb. And even though many women can buy their own cars and wash them, it just feels right when a man go out there and wash them. Or when your neighbours park their stupid car in front or your garage and makes you late for work, it's really nice when your man talk to them and fix the problem. 

Many men think they must do something big to earn respect. But sometimes the little things they do every day count more than one blast that happens once every year. I think the majority of women, despite the mumbo jumbo about emancipation, still wants their men to be supportive, protective, strong (both in character and physic) and most of all, dependable. When the man of the house do this, they will the respect they deserve, no matter who brings home more bacon. 

PS: I found this blog about respect which is worth reading. The picture above is taken from the blog.  

Baby Steps

No, this is not about Rafa. But this has something to do with tennis. 

After every grand slam match, winners are interviewed by a host and asked about their game or sometimes trivial questions which made the audience laugh. What I notice is that almost all of them, when asked what their plan was to beat their opponents, said that there's no plan at all. They always "try to take point by point."

Sometimes we make anticipation far, far ahead and filled ourselves with so much anxiety over things which might  happen in the future. Sometime the future is much too far for our eyes to see, but the worries cripple us from enjoying the journey in the present. 

It's good to make a plan ahead. But it's best not to make it too distant to where we are living right now. And many times it's good to make small plans for the near future, and follow it day to day, minute to minute, or point to point, like all world-class tennis players. After all, we can't even be sure if we'll wake up tomorrow. 

Delizie contente

I LOVE to wake up to a rainy morning, and go to bed when it's pouring rain outside. Now it's raining on the other side of my window that I just had to wake up and turn my computer on again to write this. 

Source: http://ngil2.tumblr.com/

Joyful delights can be found in small, insignificant things which we thought trivial. And the happiest people on earth are those who can find happiness in these little delights, every single day.    

Let's be happy!

One of my star students has been driving me nuts for the past six months. 

He's super quick at left-brain stuffs, so reading notes and solving rhythmic problems used to be his forte, but lately he came to lesson with so many wrong notes and bad counting. When your kids start sonata, this kind of mistake will make you pull your hair out. 

I found out that since he started junior high, his school discovered that he's a genius (by IQ), and so they put him in a so called "acceleration class", which means that he will save a year in junior high and another year in senior high, and ready to go to university by the time he's 16. His parents were so proud and asked me to make allowances because his life now is all about school, school, school. 

I don't get this, really.

Why do people so concern over being successful now than being happy? So this boy may be a genius, but is his education more important than his happy childhood? He's only 11 now, and instead of being confined in class with books, he should be able to play football and keep a hamster or whatever. It doesn't last long, and he will spend most of his adolescent and adult life struggling to survive, either among his peers and later to get jobs and become a CEO, and it's tough and hard and tiring and sometimes depressing, so why does he have to start that earlier? Nothing will guarantee the future. We always have the possibility of not seeing the sun tomorrow, so if we all have a chance to be happy now, why not do it? 

And what really is the measurement of success? It's always different in each and every individuals, and it will always be defined by two. First ourselves, second other people. Who's right? Nobody cares. People may see you as a failure, but as long as you get a good impression about yourself, you're happy. And that's what really matters. As I said before, life is an ocean of illusion, and by the time you're 40, you don't need to really know whether you've made it or not. You just need to feel good about yourself. 

To be an Entrepreneur

This one is reblogged from CNN's Laurie Segall in Facebook. Some lines have been omitted. 

"To be an entrepreneur.

To be told "no" on a regular basis. To fight an uphill battle, to fall constantly.

Entrepreneurship is tough. There is constant failure.

Some of the greatest rewards come with the greatest risks, and often times those risks end in epic failure.

Not as many people talk about that. They don't talk about the moments when you're alone in your head, battling your worst enemy.

Often times we talk about huge wins, happy endings. Dark moments don't always make it into print.

Some of the most successful entrepreneurs battle with the greatest demons. Having the ability to change the world, to disrupt the status quo, isn't something to take lightly.

The people that do this are far from normal. It takes a thread of intensity that not everyone has and sometimes that intensity can do more harm than help.

To have all the ingredients to change the world, to have already made a huge dent, and to see the demons win, isn't fair.

For those of us who live in extremes - extreme success, extreme failure, for those of us who are harder on ourselves than any critic and sometimes have trouble getting out of the dark, I say this - as dark as the world can be, it can be that light. As bad as it can be, it can be that good.

We aren't always defined by our successes, it's often our failures that makes us fight harder, see clearer.

Choosing to be an entrepreneur requires a respectful degree of insanity.

For those who are going through a tough time, I hope you know you're not alone. The world is much better with your crazy ideas, your passion, and your ability to hack the status quo.

Don't forget that."

The Audacity of Hope

Obama's "Hope" campaign by Frank Shepard Fairey

The title of this post is borrowed from  Obama's book, but this one is actually about Pandora and her box. Many only knows that Pandora, who is bestowed  with all sorts of beauty which made her a wonder to behold, is gods' curse for men. When she was given to Epimetheus as bride, the gods gave her a box filled by evil things, personally hand-picked by each and every one of them, to make men's life full of sorrow and regrets. As curiosity got the better of her, she opened the box and all hell broke loose. 

What many people don't know is that there is one good thing left in that box . It's hope. 

A lot of people are scared of trying something new because they are afraid that they would open their own personal Pandora's box. I wish they know the rest of the story. Even in great misfortune, we can always find comfort.

Hope is powerful. Stendhal once said, "a very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." And love is magical. 

Humanity

What is going on with human species?

Lately I've been reading or watching or accidentally coming across a story of human cruelty which sent shivers all over my body (one story was so horribly graphic it made me vomit and gave me nightmares for a couple of days). Tonight I watched "The World without Ends" which portrayed the tyranny of English lords and nobles in the 14th century which made me think: what is wrong with people?

Animals will hunt only for food. And once their hunger is satisfied, they will leave their pray. But mankind, with brains which are capable of thinking, can sometime act more than animals. They can think of super mean things to do to other people and they can use all ways possible to get what they want.

Sometimes I'm afraid of losing my faith in humanity. But babies born every minute are proof that God are not yet tired of us.

(C) Frank Shepard Fairey

I probably must ditch TV altogether.  Except Sesame Street.

Illusion

This is the story of my friend. 

She sat in front of me, defending herself, saying how those good friends of her betray her. A few days before, the same good friends she was talking about told their side of story to me, saying how badly she treated them (and everybody) and with a sigh concluded, "that's why she doesn't have any close friend."

As she poured her misery, I was thinking. Life is an ocean of illusion. What we think about things or  people are not always the truth or the fact, and what we perceive as mutual consent may not be mutual at all. Same goes to friendship. My friend would be devastated if the friends she assumed were her best never thought of her the same way. 

That's why it's good to train our instinct to recognize what is real. When we see it, we must hang on to it, and never take it for granted. 

First Resolution

Source: http://writerscentre.ie/blog/

I watched "Finding Forrester" earlier today and found my first resolution of the year: to write as much and as often as I can. Write first, think later. That's how you become a writer. First draft of everything must always be done with your gut. After that you do it with your brain. 

Plato on Love

Poets often talk of Eros (more widely known by his Roman name, Cupid) but Plato the philosopher made a lovely description of Eros and his brother Anteros (literally means "love returned"), who many times doesn' t put into a love story.

Marble sculpture of Eros and Anteros by François-Joseph LeClercq (1755-1826)

"Love - Eros - makes his home in men's hearts, but not in every heart, for where there is hardness he departs. His greatest glory is that he cannot do wrong nor allow it; force never comes near him. For all men serve him of their own free will. And he whom Love touches not walks in darkness.

Anteros is given to his brother, Eros, who was lonely, because love must be answered if it is to prosper. It is the result of a great love for another person. The lover, inspired by beauty, is filled with divine love and filling the soul of the loved one with love in return. As a result, the loved one falls in love with the lover, though the love is only spoken of as friendship. They experience pain when the two are apart, and relief when they are together."

Perspective

I went to a violin recital last night. On stage was an aged lady (I'm guessing around 60) who used to be Jascha Heifetz's ex assistant/confidante/pupil. Yes, the Heifetz. I was excited about going to this recital (that I cut short my already-short vacation by a day) because I was hoping to hear some Heifetzian way of playing, live. 

The recital turned out to be quite, well, surreal. The violinist, who happened to be a pianist as well, decided to accompany herself and since you can't play two instruments at the same time, she pre-recorded herself on the piano. When she announced this I didn't quite know what to expect. Well, disaster happened when, after she named her program for the night, the disc apparently had a mind of its own and decided to happily jump track. So she didn't open the recital with Elgar's Salut d'Amour as planned, but with Tchaikovsky's Melody. All of us, audience and the artist, ended up guessing what the next piece would be. Fun!

On general, her playing wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was quite fine, despite some unsynchronized playing in some parts (which, I imagine, will be difficult even if you're playing with yourself, especially if you play Romantic pieces with rubato!). But what bothers me the most is how this lady seems to be more keen in presenting the fact that she was the one Heifetz turned to in times of troubles, and how her life has been so much enriched by this proximity, and other balderdash she had done in the name of Heifetz except showing off his influence in music-making. 

It must be difficult to stay on perspective when you're that close to such a huge figure. But the only way to get the best out of every situation is by keeping a healthy outlook on something or someone. Successful people normally become big because of what they do, not who they are, and most of the time, when you take their attributes, they are like all of us who eat, sleep, and get wet and curse you when you throw them a bucket of water. To admire them for their genius and other worldly attainments is normal, but to go beyond that is mental. In the case of humble Heifetz (as this lady told us), I think he would like it best when his pupils go around the world continuing his legacy, in that one thing he loved the most, which is music.