Awakening

Another piano recital today. I've been trying this new hall since last month. It seats 50-70 people comfortably, so since I'm losing audience, I thought it doesn't make sense to stick to the old hall. Besides, this new place has better parking lot. 

I had been feeling a little uptight since morning. Until 6 pm prior to the concert, which began at 7.30, I sold only 2 tickets. At 7 I sold 13 tickets, at 7.30-sharp 20 tickets, then ten minutes later 5 friends came. We started at 7.40. After two Rachmaninov Preludes, 8 people came. So that made 33 people. With 50 tickets I printed, that's more than 60 percent seats sold. Financially it's good. But the fact that only 6 piano teachers came (I'm one of them) didn't make me feel better.

There are about 30 music schools in Bandung, not to mention private teachers. Piano are always the most popular instrument in every school. The hall where the concert was is attached to a music school with 200+ piano students. But not 10 percent of them came. I didn't even see any teacher. The principal of the school opted to go see a brass band which happened to perform the same night. 

A good friend, another classical music activist in town, asked me later how it was, and as I was telling him my story (while cursing a lot of people), there and then I realize that I'm most probably doing the right thing in the wrong place. The Italians will live on pasta 365 days a year, but Indians would die in a month. Walmart is a huge success in the US, everywhere else it's a flop. The Chinese will survive on porridge, but the Dutch would starve. A mangrove will grow strong in a strand, and not in a mountain. Some things find roots because the place where they grow has everything they need to strive. 

Classical music is not so different. China is embracing this culture slowly but surely, and starts producing world-class musicians in this genre, although classical music is not their culture. In the country that was suspicious of any Western culture, how did classical music manage to find a voice? Taking the analogy from my previous premise, I think it's because China, or the Chinese, has everything to offer for classical music. 

Let's be honest. (Learning) classical music requires hard work. People who say that learning classical music should be fun and is fun are idiots, and teachers who aim to make classical music lesson enjoyable are highly suspect. No learning process is fun, but you stick to it because it's worth it. The harder it is, the bigger the reward. Once you pass the difficult part, you'll find whole new world. (Then you go find another new world by going through the same process, only the path is steeper and the wind blow harder). Even if you're born with 100 percent musical gift in your genes, you still have to go through the technical drill, the aural training before you expand your musical horizon and emerge as complete musician. And that means lifelong learning. Classical music also requires a trained ear. Even those who learn classical piano or violin will find, at first, that listening to a simple minuet is not as easy as listening to Michael Jackson. To go through all these hardship and find your pot of gold at the end of the storm, you need to develop passion, curiosity, persistence, perseverance, attention to details, discipline, focus, determination, and let's not forget intelligence.

Most Chinese have those traits. They and classical music fit well like a glove. 

I'm facing it now, with no hard feelings. I've had my sabbatical period. I returned, at a point, with a new spirit. But things haven't changed. It didn't make sense to me at first, but now I know. People in Bandung are not born for classical music. It's not for everybody. Characteristically, we're not ready for it. We don't have what it needs to excel, not even to dwell. To stay in this path would not be useless, at least for me personally, but it would be futile, at least for the moment. I doubt that my people will change into Chinese in 10 years time. I'll just make use of my time better now and concentrate on things that can be changed. 

Faith

Source: www.abstract-soul.com

Doubt and faith are two different side of a coin. If you read my previous post, that's what Gibran said. How very true! I know it now for sure.  

If you have doubts in some things, you're bound to get faith in something else. And with me, my faith in God is reinforced. 

I texted my bestfriend the other day and told him that all of this doesn't make any sense. My work for the community doesn't seem to bring the result I expect. I've tried everything, and I've done so much, but the situation seems to get worse. 

I forgot that there's still one thing I haven't done. 

I haven't prayed. 

All this time I put myself out there and went the extra miles while hoping that people will help my cause. I thought it was enough. I thought that by knowing how much I've worked for this, people will help and support and participate. But it was stupid. I've had experience with this and I should have known better. We must never put any hope on mere mortals. People let you down, all the time. Only the very best will be there for you, but they are the selected few, and you need bigger power to move the majority. 

So that's it. Starting tomorrow I'm just going to do what I have to do, and then let go. I will have learn to leave the result to God and not beating myself up when things don't go according to plan.

And then I will pray. A lot. Because prayer changes things. 

Doubts

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother." - Khalil Gibran

I have doubts. I have not many, but they are strong.

I doubt if I'm doing the right thing. If I am, I doubt if I'm doing it in the right place. 

I doubt that something good will eventually happen in Bandung. People don't seem to care anymore. Everyone's so busy, even to reply to an important text message. They do their own things and take things for granted.  

I doubt if there will ever be a change, or if I will witness it in the near future.

And I doubt if this is all worth fighting for. 

I doubt if this is all worth my life. (No, right?)

Margaret Mead once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." I used to hold on to these words. But now I doubt her, too. 

The only good thing coming out of doubt is that my religion survives. 

I'm so tired right now. It doesn't get any easier, and I lost more and more support. This doesn't make sense. I need either a conviction, or distraction, or disintegration. Should I just go, or should I just give myself the benefit of the doubt?

Chinese-Indonesian

Chinese New Year celebration in Jakarta in 2012. Picture taken from here.

This theme is something I often discuss with my piano teacher. Why do Chinese-Indonesians perform better in music? And when we look further, they excel, in fact, almost in everything. Indonesian people with Chinese ancestors are still minority, even if the natives say they're everywhere, especially in big cities. According to CIA World Factbook (and I quote this source because my country doesn't have an official Factbook), the Chinese and other unspecified ethnics made up only 29,9% of the population, which means that, if spread evenly to 33 provinces, each province has only less than 1% Chinese ethnic in their region. But although small in number, they are making big impacts. In my city alone, they pretty much run the economy. In national scale, they not only play an important roles in trade, they also show significant achievements in other fields. Many gold medallists and international athletes are Chinese-Indonesian. Scientists and scholars sent abroad are also coming from this ethnic group. Even in a world as small as classical music, they rule. 

Once I sat with my teacher in a competition where about 80% of the participants are Chinese-Indonesian kids. Of course, the majority also won top places. If you go to local concerts or competitions in any big city in Indonesia, you'll see mostly Chinese-Indonesian kids on stage. I am running two theory classes at the moment. One class has Chinese-Indonesians as majority, the other has only Indonesians. The "Chinese" class, as I named it, always starts on time, never missed a session, and always returns any homework I gave. The "native" class always starts 30 minutes late, changes schedule often, with homework  sometimes done and sometimes not.

Many non-Chinese in many countries would agree that the majority of Chinese (and I say that because there is always exceptions) possess the same traits: they are discipline, hard-working, they deny self-gratification until their mission is accomplished, they are money-savvy, are mostly passionate about what they do, and that is why they're successful. Malcolm Gladwell said in "Tipping Point" that most Chinese succeed everywhere they go because they come from a culture that planted rice, and since rice are the most difficult crop to cultivate, they develop this kind of mentality. But this theory definitely needs to be tested further because the fact is, Indonesian people also grow rice but they develop a different mentality altogether. So what's missing from the equation? Is it because we live in the equator where nature helps us so much when we want to grow anything that we become such a lazy nation?

I'm afraid I must say that the average Indonesians still have a slightly cynical point of view towards Chinese-Indonesians. I believe this stems from jealousy. Many still see them as visitors who take over home, stupidly, even if the Chinese-Indonesian today are from second or even third generation who are born and raised here and always see Indonesia as home. However things are so much better now for the Chinese in many aspects of life. When I was a kid, Chinese presenters or movie stars hardly make it to TV. Now they slowly but surely appear, even in news channel. In 1998, as the longest-reigning former president ceased to be an autocrat, a lot  of Chinese and their families were violated and for a while, they were scarred, emotionally and physically. Many flew from the country, but those who decided to stay must overcame their fear. Thankfully this doesn't last long. One good thing coming out of it is that the natives feel and see their pain and they help them feel more and more at home. The Chinese New Year is now an official holiday in our calendar. 

Still, complete integration is not a common picture. Chinese-Indonesians normally "hangout" with their peers, so do native Indonesians. At the moment, the two ethnic groups are friendly towards each other, but very few are keen to take a closer look at each other's lives and see how it can enrich their own. During my first years as piano student, I slowly realised that my brother and I were among the few brown-skinned and round-eyed who played this instrument. The majority were Chinese kids, and they were good. Some were even super good. They were focused, worked on details, very musicals, and inspiring. And so we learned from them. We also learn to adapt as minority, to stand out among the goods, and strive to be the best. Perhaps this is also because our mum grew up in Catholic schools and had to compete with Chinese kids of her generation. They lent her their competitive edge, and she taught us that. We can learn so much from each other, and Indonesians certainly need some of Chinese traits to develop.

As one of the few natives who live in the community where Chinese-Indonesians are in bulk, I am so  grateful for my "Chinese" friends. They teach me a lot of things that don't normally exist in my world, and they make me a better person. They cultivate my mind. They give me broader perspective on people and how they see problems and challenges, and it brings me more and more precious life experience.