The Power of Positivity

I'm super happy. 

My doctor finally gave the permission to stop chemo. I had told her that it didn't seem to do me any good. I felt worse and my body was ruined, and moreover my appetite went overboard that I was often so devoid of energy to do even the simplest things like waking up in the morning. The aches worsened and I felt like my body's thermostat didn't function properly. I could wake up feeling so hot in the middle of the night or shiver like a beaver in the middle of the day. Moreover, the paperwork and the beaureaucracy to do before getting medication is so disheartening that I often went to the hospital feeling already beaten and bruised. 

On my last chemo, my body had rejected it so much that it took longer to insert the needle and I was in pain the whole time the medication was in. There was just too many negative energy and I wasn't looking forward to my next visit. 

I explained everything in detail to her earlier tonight and she agreed to discuss another form of therapy. I had some ideas in my mind but already I was feeling so much more positive. 

The good thing about having this disease is that it teaches me to sort things in my life that are good for me, that help me heals and give my health a good boost. And that includes cutting away people who keep giving me bad vibes, make me feel worthless and dispensable (although I know I am, but I don't like to be reminded all the time), and to surround myself with people who radiate love and warmth and support. 

Those are the most important things in life. If you have these people in your life, make sure you tell them that they are precious and never take them for granted. 

Closure

Sometimes, relationship goes sour. Although not very often people break up on purpose, but separation is often inevitable. There doesn't have to be a problem. People change, that's all. We outgrow one another, we find new things where our old lives no longer fit and thus we have to make room.

When people grow apart because of a problem, and you can't talk about it because of some reasons, then you need to make your own closure. Don't wait while holding grudges, don't assume and don't guess. Give 700 excuses for the one on the other side. Then, the most important step: forgive them and yourself. You don't have to know exactly what their mistakes are, and you don't have to beat yourself up trying to figure out what you did wrong.

Forgiveness is moving forward, and forgiving gives you the closure you need when no one is giving you any.

Little Things

I can hold a pen again today. 

I haven't been able to hold anything properly for almost a month now. The steroid I've taken has caused skin thinning which lead to break down and ulcer, and it happened right on the joint of my right hand forefinger. 

I'm telling you, life is becoming super awkward if you can't bend your pointy. Don't even think about playing piano or holding violin bow. Holding a glass and getting dressed are unnecessarily complicated when you can't get a grip on anything. 

Which made me realise that it's always the little things that make life complete. While it's also the little things that we always take for granted. 

Which also reminds me, that despite all this illness and hardship, I still have zillion little things to be thankful for.