Tired, but thank you.

Yes, it's another financial failure in my project and I've lost everything.

I'm super tired.

I should stop being so stupid. I should stop wanting to do this. Obviously, I'm the worst financial manager ever. And I should know when to stop and say enough. Stopping doesn't mean final. I can stop for a while and continue later. Or maybe I will stop and I will actually feel okay.

But thank you, all you wonderful people out there who helped me, both morally and financially. You help without asking question, without judging, without saying anything that would make me feel even worse than my lowest. You will always be in my prayer.

Maybe

Maybe, one of the reason I don't want to have kids anymore is that I don't want to feel that I have done so much for them by bringing them to the world and so that their sole purpose in life is to obey each and every command I give them. 

Just maybe. 

A lot of times my mum makes me feel like that. 

Like I don't deserve to have a life if it's not according to her rules nor standard. It's so frustrating. And limiting. It's a chain. And it's not liberating. 

And I don't want to do the same thing to someone else. Especially if they are my kids.