be true. (William Shakespeare)
I've heard this sort of thing from a lot of patricians, whose words often quoted by plebeians like me. But I have to admit that several times in the past, when I have to make difficult choices, I always search into myself and ask, would I be happy doing it? Will I be able to stay true to myself if I take this way? And so far, I have not make so many decisions that I regretted. This actually works for me.
Reading Gidon Kremer's letter, I wonder though, do those artists he mentioned, those that search fame and fortune and sacrificing music in the process of attaining these two worldly goods, were they being true to themselves? Or becoming famous and fortunate are really their ideals, their values, their core self? In that case, they should be happy about it. But if they are really, truly, deeply musicians, would they still be happy when they're not making the best music they know, especially when they know how to make it?
I've been questioning this in my head after reading that letter, and I can conclude, that fame and fortune can really change your self. In "self" I mean your core being. It can shift your paradigm and gives you new perspectives. There are plenty of evidence in the classical music scene in my country. Once an artist gets to that position where people would salute you no matter how rubbish you play, he or she is in danger of losing a sight. And I say so because a lot of time, when people start at the bottom, they have this ideal view about what they want to see once they get to the top, but as soon as they get there, they find out that there's a lot of other things to see (and to have) which are just as nice and they are distracted. Imagine those mountaineers who climb Everest for the sake of conquering the earth and find that once they arrive at the peak, they discover that it's actually a beach up there, with Baywatch actresses running around and asking them to become lifeguards. And then they forget why they're there at the first place.
Sadly, a lot of people forget. Because fame and fortune are agents of change. Fame usually brings fortune, if not vice versa, and fortune has its own privilege. Back to the classical music scene, I know that fame can raise booking fees and bring home many endorsements. The thing is, in this business that's becoming more and more hype, to quote Kremer, money doesn't always mean quality. Now there are so many things that can add zeros in your pay check which have zero relation to your quality as a musician. You can suck big time but if your agent is good at selling, you can still get gigs. I've had once an awful pianist who played like lazy amateur but he got a totally devoted manager who was able to convince people that he's fabulous. There's also another musician I know who happens to have out-of-ordinary story about why he got into this wonderful world of Bach and Mozart and Ravel professionally and are making this his marketing gimmick to get him to perform around the world. When I heard him play, I fell off my chair because it was so incredibly messy. And guess what? He's still performing around the world. I guess he's still selling that story and there are people who are buying. In my country, every artist mind their own business. Not many have managers. But name is big, and big name is HUGE. If you have big name already, you can be sure to come on stage unrehearsed, unprepared, and under practice and people will still write in your Facebook wall saying "love your performance tonight. It was aweeesoomeee!"
I've also observed this situation with the female group of the species: the more attractive you are, the easier you get jobs. It happens not only in the "formal" arrangement, but also in the "informal" situation, and happens all over the world. I recently came to a recital of a female artist, and this girl has an impressive CV which says that she has played with some big names in the classical music business, names that are written in all journal of all aspiring young musicians who wish to be like her. So I sat there inside the hall, impatient and excited to be enchanted, but there was no magic. It was a professional performance, I can say, everything was perfect and flawless, but there was no vibe from the stage, and I felt nothing. And then I remembered another professional musician-friend of mine, a guy who, CV-wise, isn't as famous as she is, but performance-wise is in another level altogether. If I may compare, if she is at Everest, then he has already reached heaven.
So, what makes a star? To those who believes that we have to stay true to ourselves in order to reach the sky, I can only say: think again. For me, it's obvious. The first thing you gotta have is luck. Say, 95 percent of your success depends on it. Luck is, to this day, still an unexplained phenomena to me. A lot of things have been said about it, but I think Oprah's definition comes closest to what is true: luck is preparation meets opportunity. I've known people who are prepared all their lives, but opportunity never knocks, and they spend their waking days dreaming until they no longer able to do that.
Having said that, I think it is very important to stay true to yourself. It might not bring you the luck you need to get to the end of the tunnel, but still, it will make you happy. And it's important. Too bad the new generations of high achievers now think that it's okay to sacrifice their happiness in the process of getting what you want. I think it's stupid. If you're in a journey to get what you want, you have to be happy. It doesn't make sense if you don't. After all, you're the one making the trip to your personal paradise, so why should it torture you?
And having said that, I do not mean to say that all people who have made a name for themselves are driven away from their initial goals. There are people who, like Kremer, once they sit on the throne and rule, still can be true to themselves. I hope they're among the happiest people on earth, because they have everything.
Knowing this fact, I must say that I'm happy to be where I am right now. There were times in the past where I long to work for big agents who manage classical music celebrities in their roster. But if I am allowed to be honest, I'm here because I want people in my country to know that classical music does not always have to boring. If it's beautiful, then like all things beautiful, it will touch your soul and change your life. It can bring you to tears, and lift your spirit. And I don't have to work with those stars to achieve this. Somewhere in London, or in Berlin, or in Paris, and elsewhere, there are undiscovered gems who can help me, whose main concern in life is to promote classical music, who are enthusiastic about playing for mere 100 people, who are willing to share their experience and expertise, who care enough about musicians in a third-world country and are willing to go the extra mile to educate them, and who understand how hard it is to get people to donate for classical music. To these true musicians-cum-humanitarians, I pay my most profound respect, and pray with all my heart that they will eventually get to where they want to be and still be true to themselves.
