Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health. (Carl Jung)
My first (and perhaps, my last) concerto.
Last night, I nailed it. After three months of practicing and a few hours of agonies, I stepped up to the plate and perform the D-major Haydn Concerto. It wasn't quite as I expected (I had expected much better result, of course). My fingers weren't moving as fast as I wanted to, and I could have taken more time in the cadenza, but I made no stops, kept on going even when I stumbled, and I finished together with the orchestra on the very last bar of the Finale. So, all's well that ends well.
Now I really can tell my grandchildren that their granny was once a soloist! :-)
My parents, after such long, long years, were there last night. Daddy, who usually refused to be involved in what he called "pretentious" cultural activities such as classical music concerts, finally gave in and went with mum (although they missed the first movement) and he even stayed until the very end of the concert. His comments, apart from those which aren't very musical like "my, aren't you look fat in that dress!", were acceptable. Mum said I looked and played all right. And for the first time they met my most influential teacher (funny how they never did have a chance to meet him when I was still studying!). We went for a post-concert dinner and I got myself, also for the first and the last time, a 200-gram steak. (PS: I did finish the steak and the salads but NOT the wedges. I'm not a glutton!)
Looking back on the experience, I'm really thankful that I was offered such opportunity. It's really true that man needs difficulties. They're there to make us tougher, stronger, and wiser. I couldn't explain how I felt when I woke up this morning, but I was smiling ear to ear for no reason and felt a new energy building inside of me. If I can get past that, who knows, I might be able to pass something else, something bigger. If I can make a list of a life-changing experience, this would be one of it.
One of the most wonderful thing about overcoming difficulties is that you get to know yourself better. Even though I play piano for as long as I can remember, I never imagine that I could go this far. I always knew that I'm not a person who loves to be ON stage (I really love the BACK of it), I hate being on the spotlight, and I usually told myself, right before concerts, that I'm going to die and that I shouldn't do this anymore, that I should just give up playing in public and focus and teaching and all that. But last night I told myself something different. Instead of saying to myself things like "shit, what am I doing???", I was telling myself that I'm gonna be just fine, that I've been practicing for months for this, that I've been working hard and paid my respect and not taken things for granted, so all I have to do is to go out there and give my best shot. And that I did. It wasn't perfect, in fact, it was far from it. I made mistakes, and after a few bars opening, my fingers started to lose all its flexibility, resulting in a rather stiff performance (that, I know), but guess what? I had no regrets. And so I know, that I am capable of this much challenge without losing my nerves.
A few hours before the concert, a friend texted my mobile and wished me good luck. I had asked her to remind me not to this EVER again. However, after the concert, another friend of mine, a music lecturer at the university, said that I should do this twice a year because it really inspires his students to work harder. Now that's something else. I always love to inspire, as much as I love being inspired by people. And that left me thinking: maybe, just maybe, I could do this again. Not alone, of course. A double concerto would be nice. And I always want to try my hands on Beethoven's triple concerto...
