It's all to do with the training: you can do a lot if you're properly trained. (Elizabeth II, Queen of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)
La vie bien remplie.
In simple English: a full life. That's how my life has been since April when I started to accept all offers coming at my direction. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I slept before midnight because works never seem to end. And among those piles of papers and computer files, there's always an element of surprise that flips the whole world and makes you feel queasy. However, I never really thought that I would finally get hold of this situation until quite recently.
Two weeks ago, one of my sponsors called (on my birthday, to be exact) and said that he will probably cover 50% of my deficit. He didn't promise, he said he'll just try. Two days ago, he said no. Nothing, nada, nix. Zip. I couldn't be angry, he never did promise. And shit happens, that's all.
Amazingly, I felt very calm. There I was in my pj, 10 o'clock in the morning when he hung up on me, and my brain started to make calculations. Luckily the 100% deficit was not a big number. It might left me with some debts to the credit card company, but if I work hard I might end up gaining profit. So almost like a reflect, I started dialling numbers of people who I think might be able to solve my problems. Then almost automatically, I walked to my computer and started sending e-mails.
In the afternoon, I went to teach as any other day and quite unexpectedly, I could even be able to put all my focus while practicing Haydn. All those time my brain kept watching while saying, "Hey, this is weird."
Two years ago I would have fallen to the floor and cried and prayed to God to just drop me some cash from heaven. Learning from experience, I know it's not gonna happen and the only way to solving the problem is to keep my head above water and try to act as sensibly as I could. I felt like a goose, who moves gracefully and smoothly on the surface while pedalling frantically under water.
I guess this wouldn't happen if I hadn't had proper training. Dealing with a commodity as rare as high-quality classical music in the country where quantity is always a focal point, I suppose I've had enough beatings. Sponsors are humans, and being that they couldn't help it if they can't always be reliable. Sometimes, even artists are just plain creatures who unintentionally make mistakes on stage, although this happened through an intentional conduct of not practicing. For those of you who are interested in this business, I would be happy to list a number of swinging X-factors related to it. It's just unfortunate that my work has to rely so much on unreliable components, but as it gives me the greatest satisfaction in life, I don't think it's right to complain. And now, knowing that I'm properly trained, I also know that I can do a lot. And will do a lot.
