I have sensed this coming. The end of an episode. My heart was palpitating, I woke up in the middle of the night, and my boyfriend was right. I knew this is the right thing to do. I just have to muster the courage.
I've already imagined a near future where life goes on as usual. I will be giving my lessons to my lazy students, practising my music, going to the music school, talking to people, organising a concert, hanging out with besties, and so on. What I can't see is him in it. At least, not yet. The thought of not seeing him in there makes my heart bleed, but I have to do this. Otherwise I will not move on to the next chapter in my life. My future will be like Groundhog Day movie, where I get to learn something new each time but basically everything stays the same. And I can't do that to myself. Moreover, I can't do that to my parents. They will want me to move on. And move up.
There's time though, until that final decision. Till then I will keep praying for miracle. I will keep hoping that God will eventually grant my wish. God is good, I know, and He knows best for me. If he's the one for me, he will want to change, he will try, and he will eventually grow up and become a man. But if not, I know that there is a better man waiting in my future.
So, still praying.
