Yes, I do. And I want it now.
My besties will hate my decision (although I know they will not hate me), but I've already lost some people in my life that I love so much and I don't want to lose another. Maybe in the future this will kill me, but I can't even tell what's gonna happen tomorrow. I may die tomorrow. And when I have to die tomorrow, I want to die happy, knowing that I keep all my loved ones near.
The thing is, you can't choose the one you love. One day someone walks into your life, and some experience bring you both closer to each other. Relationship has to go two ways, and no matter how much you want to be friends or to be close to someone, when there is no corresponding feedback, that bond doesn't form. It's not something you can engineer. It just happens. That's why it's so precious because it doesn't just happen with anyone.
I've learned that I got really ill, physically and mentally, even just by imagining that I have to stop loving someone and find another object to be savoured with affection. I have decided that to be strong is not to stop loving, but to learn to switch my sentiment. I believe that when you love, nothing is wasted. It will all come back to me, in one way or another, in different form that sometimes even I can't think about.
So I don't want to think too much. I have my God, and I have time. If I should get hurt, I will heal. In the meantime, I will pray a lot, love a lot, and hope for the best. No expectation.
