The real price of everything, what everything really costs to the man who wants to acquire it, is the toil and trouble of acquiring it. (Adam Smith)
Yes, there's no Day 1 because I was so upset and exhausted last night to come to my computer and write. Lo was giving me another 'private talk' and I felt so miserable afterward that there was a moment when I just didn't dare to speak because I knew that the only thing that would come out of my mouth is a sob.
Anyway, today everything was much better than the first day. Yesterday all the teachers were teaching so intensely that I thought they might not last for 10 days if they keep on doing it like that, but today everyone was possessed. I came to visit Sam's class while he was teaching Beethoven's Tempest, and he was on fire. Afterward I moved on to Damien's class and it was amazing to see how he taught especially as he claimed that he didn't sleep well the previous night. And Laurent did a very interesting and useful topics about practising for the lecture. It was great.
The chamber groups were also better. I accompanied Damien all the way through the end because somebody needs to be there to translate, and they were having fun, I can tell, and Damien really made them better. I just hope that the kids know what and how to practice as not to make the same mistakes again and again. We also had our first informal performance. 5 students played, and although they're all pretty shy and nervous when I called their names, they played quite well. I was like a proud mamma.
I only wish that at the end of each day, I don't have to go home and think about how I'm going to find the fund to cover my deficit. It's so tiring to be worried all the time, and it certainly spoils all the fun. Tonight my mood dropped at the lowest level and I even skipped a party with them. I just need to be alone.
But if somebody asked me if I had any regret doing this, I will say, convincedly, that I didn't. Today when I stepped inside the school building and heard all those sounds of strings and piano blending together, my heart felt so warm and full. Tonight, I had those glowing moment where all these miseries were gone for a while as I heard Sam, Laurent and Damien played Mendelssohn trio.
They're worth it.
(Imported old blog, originally written on July 4, 2008)
