Last week was the toughest week of my career life in music management. It all began when I got 3 'no' from sponsors. Then on Friday a letter from SH arrived, asking me if the camp is really going to take place, since he just turned down a very good concert somewhere in Lithuania. He was really nice, as always, but still, I instantly felt tense. I thought it was not fair for me to hide the truth of the situation any longer, so I told him everything. He was understanding, sympathetic and willing to wait for another week. That same night, another letter from JPMB arrived and I decided also to tell him the truth. Only he was furious, which was very understandable and I deserved that nasty a remark. The same letter to JPMB was sent to LQ, who gave me his full support but stated between the lines that I might have to decide soon since he isn't sure whether he will be let go again next time.
Overnight I sketched the budget again and slowly got a revelation that I can still be hopeful if there's a possibility of dropping one of the classes. I asked 5 people about this, 2 said go for it, one felt strongly against it, one was not giving advice at all, and one said I should just wait for a very important reply. All right. I'll wait, then drop.
I just wish that it would be so easy to carry on with that particular plan. First of all, it would destroy a good relationship with someone, or two, probably for life, and second of all, it would certainly ruin my reputation, which I don't know to what extent (could be little but also could be big since words of mouth spread quickly). The thing is, I also feel that there's no other reasonable solution; this is just an unpleasant reality and somehow something must be sacrificed for the greater good of our young musicians. Not to do this would mean that I also might have to cancel the whole project entirely, and this would definitely finish my career.
In the meantime, I was strangely more and more sure about continuing this project. I had this feeling that last week was the 'night-before-the-dawn' period, meaning after this there will be only lights. Yesterday I got a good response and this afternoon a full support from the director of music faculty whose kids I'm about to help with this project. So I wrote to DV and SH and told them to book tickets. Righty, now there's no point of turning back.
Thank you so much to Lendi, Adhi, Marsella, Guntur, Damien, Sam and Lo, who always believe in me and send me their positive vibes. Thank you to Mum and Dad, who finally believe that what I do is for a noble cause and thus move the universe with me.
(Imported old blog, originally written on April 21, 2008)
